If you’ve put up with me long enough, you know that I am in recovery for codependency and CPTSD. Yeah I’m a mess. But something struck me at a testimony meeting last night.
This person described, by their definition that codependency is about control. Well, I wasn’t offended but I was defensive. And the more I’ve thought about it, I realize that it’s not about controlling a person-but the situation. See, when we can’t control what is happening, our feelings of safety disappear and we automatically go into fight or flight mode. (Also CPTSD symptoms) We are no longer in “control;” meaning since we don’t know what is coming next, it’s assumed it will be in the negative side of things. At least for me that is how it is. And I react based on what I think is about to happen.
Saying this causes me embarrassment; but it’s my reality and I have no control over the circumstances that brought me to this point. Codependency is a complicated mess on its own-throw in the extras and you’re walking around a probable erupting volcano.
While some will use the definition as a weapon, this is where education and perspective need to come in to play.
Please please don’t use someone’s weakness/diagnosis against them. If it’s a battle you don’t understand, taunting and making accusatory statements make it worse. Stop telling us to “lighten up” and “get over it.”
We are trying. I am trying. Support the recovery process. I don’t need you to fix it. I simply need you not to reject me (huge fear) and love me through it. No you don’t have to be up my rear end. Believe it or not we understand how hard it can be to deal with us/me.
Judgment sucks regardless of the situation. I’m so far from perfect, but another thing that comes with this is a clear sense of right and wrong. There is no gray area. I live in basic principles, and fall apart when others don’t. I can’t wrap my head around basic human decency-it makes me angry. But the anger is out of hurt. That doesn’t justify my anger. Just trying to explain it.
Long story not so short, stop. Think. Learn. Love.