Strength

I must lean on my Rock. My Savior, my miracle maker.

Psalm 78:35

And they remember that God was their rock, And the most High God their redeemer.

1 Samuel 2:2

“There is no one holy like the Lord, indeed there is no one besides you, Nor is there any rock like our God.”

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Breakdown

All these ideas for a poem. Something sweet and uplifting. But my mind just can’t focus long enough. I look at this and see an overwhelming amount of emotions speaking to me.

Turmoil, crushed, devastated, sad, longing, crying…..

It seems as though this day has had them all. But in that I also see hope, life, yearning, and growth.

It’s the day that you call out to God, but maybe you’re not listening because you can’t hear him. Maybe I’m not hearing His truth. The fact of the matter is that I know what he’s telling me. And I don’t like it. Because it scares me. Which makes me look like an idiot since I’m a Christian and I’m supposed to have endless faith. But alas I’m human as well, and it’s the spiritual battle in full force.

I know this post sounds scattered. That’s because I am scattered at this point. Torn and breaking down. Emotionally and mentally the battle rages on.

And I cling to the song from church this morning. It’s the only thing I can muster up to play in my defense. God of miracles. He knows I need one.

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#real

I love being silly with my kids. Especially while they still agree to it! And then there’s those awesome mom moments where you just thank God for allowing you to be their mom.

He was covered literally head to foot in mud, and he was happy!! So be it. Better than being stuck inside with the video games. At least until the hail started. Thank you Texas. But I thoroughly enjoyed hiding him off before he came in the house. I’m not sure who had more fun!

And then we have this little spitfire evangelist. Sneaky and full of tomboy, but the heart of her mom. Loving on everyone. I got this shot today as she just stopped to find some shade. No filters or crazy posing. All her. And it’s beautiful.

Thank you God for allowing me to have these moments so that I don’t take anything for granted.

Mom life is hard, and we wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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Acceptance Disrupted

My mother in law passed away last night. She was a trooper and fought for a very long time. She was fighting before I knew here. I find it interesting that our Bible verse yesterday and devotion centered around living in Heaven. Maybe it was God’s way of helping me prepare to break the news to my kids.

In five years, she not once made my kids and I feel like “stepchildren” or “intruders”. I married into having her bless our lives. She always made sure to tell us she loved us, and that she was proud of us. She got to see our daughter make it to almost 5. I always looked forward to visiting her. The drive was long, but always worth it.

She adored her entire family. She loved hearing and bragging on ALL of her grandchildren and children. She was honest, and I loved her funny remarks. I wish I could have known her longer. Earlier. Deeper. Her history and stories.

You don’t have to know someone your entire life to love them. Not only did we love her, but she showed us a seldom seen unconditional love and grace. Even if she didn’t know it.

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My mind feels disrupted as I frantically search for pictures of us and the kids with her. I have many, and yet I can’t see them. I can only find a few. I wish I could laser beam my memories on to picture boards.

She is loved and missed dearly.❤️

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/disrupt/

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Little Bites

I watched this little guy crawl quickly through every petal of this flower. Searching for just the right spot to nibble. He was not up for a photo session.

He was in a hurry. Hungry to what appeared to be the point of hangry in an insect’s world. Frantic. Shoveling it down it’s mouth as fast as possible. Like he was going to miss something.

But this flower was well beyond what he could eat alone. But he was blind to it. And I think we as humans get that way in our lives. In a hurry, not bothering to take time to savor every bite of life we’re given the opportunity to have. Best to get this done, have to go do this, etc.

And in the never ending race to finish first, we don’t taste life. And we wonder why we don’t feel full. There was no savoring of moments that you can’t get back. There was no slowing down to breathe the love. There was no understanding that we have but a short time. And there was lack of determination to make sure we spread the word of eternal life.

You can’t be too busy. For any of it. I don’t want to be stuffed, but have an empty stomach growling for substance.

Philippians 3:19ESV

Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things.

Romans 14:15ESV

For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died.

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Back To Life

My 4 year old is going through some growing pains right now. Her legs hurt specifically. My 15 year old old is having teenage growing pains. My 10 year old has ADHD growing pains. Me? I have too many to list. It hurts my brain. Really.

For my youngest, I massage and give warm showers/baths and Tylenol as needed. For my middle, I have a Pinterest board for ADHD strategies. As for my teenager, I made a sign that says, “pull thy sticketh out of thy butteth.” It’s awesome. For me, my growing pains aren’t so easily fixed.

Today as I was in a highly stressful situation, all I could do was try to control my tears. Try to control my disgust for the way people behave. The tears rolled down silently. People were told it was my migraine. I’m hurting for sure, but it wasn’t my migraine causing the wetness falling off my cheeks. It was the lack of common decency in people. It was the ability for people to sit near me knowing they had done wrong-and simply not caring. And it was the soul crushing hurt that they will never care. And there’s nothing I can really do about it.

We finally left. While I sat silently, this song was pressed upon my spirit.

Dry Bones. Come Alive. “Up out of the ashes let us see an army rise…”

I’m dry. My spirit is calling out. I want an awakening. I need an awakening. I’m covered in ashes, dirty and broken and lost. But I know the way out. Praying for renewed strength and sight.

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Nope, None

Seeing storm clouds come together is another favorite of mine. The little openings where the blue shines through reminds me of moments of peace during chaos. A way to confirm there is good once you get through the storm.

Getting through the storm. Without a scratch, tear, or scar. Highly unlikely. I’m not talking about the ones you can see. I’m talking about the tears we cry behind closed doors. The rips in our heart and Spirit, and the scars from unhealed wounds. The fleshly turmoil.

Our inside thunderstorms. The ones our Savior took on that we shouldn’t. I’m trying to learn to ask myself amid these torrential rains, “what am I supposed to learn from this?”

Well, so far the only thing I got is that you can’t give someone wisdom who thinks they are the know all. My dad would say, ” you can’t fix stupid.” My dad is right on most things, and he’s got this one for sure.

So how do you deal with the stupid know all? Yes, I realize that sounds mean and horrible. Sometimes, it just is. So I guess it’s continued prayer and asking God to help me keep my mouth shut. Really, I have got to shut up.

I don’t want to be the one classified as the know all stupid jerk face. Just saying.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ESV

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed

Colossians 1:17 ESV

And he is before all things, and in him, all things hold together. 

He will hold you together. He will keep you. Jesus loves you. He is not punishing you. He is not pleased by watching you suffer. When you suffer He suffers. He will keep you. He will pull you through. He won’t allow you to fall apart. 

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