To Rise Under Scared Torment

Getting deep aren’t I? Ha! Just kidding! Kinda?

Trust…ew I know you are cringing at that word. Me too sometimes! Right now you’re going through the mental list of the people and places and things you don’t trust. And you’re justifying the reason why. It’s all good. Well in a way. I know, I know, here I go again. Remember, I’m just as guilty in these things sometimes so conviction goes all around.

A recent sermon at church was learning to TRUST God in ALL things. For we are not called to praise only in the good. And while I know this, I still find myself anxious and asking, “what could possibly be good in this!”

Currently I’m in such a situation. I know the truth will not be spoken. I know lies will be told and the actual facts be twisted. I know information will be withheld so the whole story is not given accurately. And it’s driving me crazy because I have no control over it!

Ahhhhh there’s another taboo word! Control. We all fight this battle. And we ignore the truth.

We are not in control over anything. The only person who has control is God. And when we give him that faith and trust he provides. But in our humanness we don’t like not calling shots. And when we get stubborn, we are not giving God the ability to help us make good choices, and in return we are filled with anxiety and dread. So the fact that I’ve been up the last two days at 4:30 AM is proof that I’m not giving it all to him right now.

Yes I’m praying. Specifically. But I’m not at peace so I’m not letting go. So I will read His word and I will claim it.

God already knows what’s going to happen and he tells us we will not go without being held accountable for those choices.

I’m also learning to do my actions first, and then let the feeling follow. Because we don’t always “feel” like letting go. Oh the tests of our faith. But they are necessary. And I want to not only be obedient, I want to set the example.

Joshua 1:9-Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Psalm 9:10-those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never for sake in those who seek you.

Ephesians 4:25-therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

So while I have no control over what another says, I must have faith and trust that with God truth will prevail.

Posted in anxiety, Current Posts, Daily Living, health, Jesus, Mental Health, Mindfullness, parenting, Thankful, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Always There

I read this post and it was a good reminder that God is not ever leaving me. If there is a sense of loneliness, it’s because I have strayed. And I need to get myself back to where I used to be, and do better than that.

For the maker who created such beautiful skies, made something beautiful in me.

Posted in anxiety, Current Posts, Daily Living, health, Jesus, Mental Health, Mindfullness, Thankful, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Tug of Righteousnes

Right and wrong, black and white, good and evil, blah blah blah. We hear it, we preach it, we complain about it, but why can’t we live it? Well, as humans we can sometimes just suck.

We started some new classes at church this past Sunday. We are starting in 2 Chronicles, and one thing I like about learning with an open Spirit is you have the ability to hear conviction. If you are never convicted, then you’re not learning with an open spirit. Hence this could be just the right post for you. It’s also a good reminder for the rest of us. If you keep up with me, you know I’m pretty transparent and straightforward. Even though confrontation is not my thing. But it’s completely different when you’re dealing with the Holy Spirit. I’m rambling again.

Ok let’s break this down. It’s always helpful to get advice when you are unsure. So do you go the stupid route or the smart route? It may seem simple but I assure you we have all made the mistake of going the stupid way. Please don’t play dumb-then your lying and that’s a sin. Just pointing out the facts my good people.

Why do we screw up? PRIDE. EGO. STUBBORNESS. They pretty much mean the same thing. We are a greedy self centered bunch of human beings. What?!?! Uh yeah.

I found myself sitting in class as they were talking about pride and what it does and how harmful it can be to people and relationships and just how you function in every day life. And I noticed the very first thing that we do (myself included) is point the finger at who we think have these problems. Because that’s the easy thing to do. How often do you really look at yourself?

-there’s a moment where we all think we know better than someone else

-there’s a moment where we think people need to do things our way because no other way could possibly work

-there is the moment where we all think someone is beneath us

I know I’m guilty of the first two. I know you’re guilty of the first two. I’ll pray hardly any of us actually fall under that third one. But there are those who do. And that’s another post…

So all of this to say before you start to point the finger you need to step back and see if your pride and your ego and your stubbornness is causing a conflict. It may not be. But not having the ability to check yourself is a red flag that you have a heart problem. For what flows from your lips, is what sits in your heart also.

I want to be the person who can say I messed up and I’m sorry. I want to feel the Holy Spirit guide me in the right way, not the world’s way. Am I going to mess up? Well duh. But I want to do better. And I’m determined to do it with the help of my Lord and Savior. Reading his word. Praying. And surrounding myself with people who will guide me the smart way, and praying I listen even if it’s not what I want to hear.

Proverbs 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.

Proverbs 16:5

Galatians 6:3

I have included a link if you would like to learn more.

*I will earn a small commission for endorsements, recommendations, and/or links to this website.  This commission will help to maintain and provide more information available to you.

Posted in anxiety, Current Posts, Daily Living, health, Jesus, Mental Health, Mindfullness, Thankful, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Gut Wrenching

Count them. Six brilliant blackberries laid out in the middle of my plate. Six beautiful bites of freshness that could send me running for Benedryl and/or the emergency room.

Irritable Bowel/Non-moving Intestine



Life Altering Environmental Allergies To Food


Anxiety Disorder

I’m sure I’m missing something. Oh boy.

I swell up in my stomach so bad I look like I’m about to drop a ten pound newborn. You think I’m kidding. I wish I was. In my early twenties I would go to a doctor monthly to get injections in my stomach to numb the nerves to help control the pain. Not one or two; more like 20-35 per visit. Man it was no fun. When it didn’t get better, they said I needed a pyschiatrist cause it was all in my head. Obviously it was, as I waddled out. I’ve seen gastro doctors for years. Now, I have a middle intestine mobility problem. Or so they think. It appears my intestines fall asleep. That definitely could cause some back up issues.

I grew up eating fresh fruits a vegetables. I prefer them. And oh my gravy how I miss them terribly! Now they cause heartburn, and/or a rush for medicine or the ER. If you have read from the beginning, you know cantaloupe could kill me. Four pitted cherries cause my throat and tongue to swell and my voice starts to change. Most uncooked veggies cause the same plus my tongue to breakout in bumps. It almost resembles the top of a lego. Ridiculous. The allergist said Since I can eat most vegetables cooked, it’s an environmental allergy. Which means all the new pesticides and chemicals that people said could harm you were in a sense telling you the truth.

Throw in a few more autoimmune disorders and anxiety…well you can see how a person can get discouraged.

Fast forward to nothing helping with any of these issues and you can see how depression can creep in. Happy Dance.

Well, I have this really smart niece who has done a lot of hard work in her own desire to heal herself and her family. So I finally listened. And as she begins her own blog to share these amazing recipes I will be able to share those with you as well. I’m getting better at figuring out what I can and cannot have. It has a name. But honestly I have to go look it up and get back to you.

In a nut shell your healing your gut. You’re starting over and resetting your body. I’m not sure how many of you have heard of leaky gut, you should totally look it up. I had my wonderful niece to explain it to me in terms I could understand.

I don’t have all the answers. And I harass her probably on a daily basis because it holds myself accountable and I’m always learning. I’m now taking probiotics daily, and working to come up with new ideas for dinner and snacks.

I definitely can say that in the last 2 1/2 weeks I’m finally seeing a difference in my stomach swelling. I have not cheated once. And that says a lot since I’m the only one in my house choosing to change the way I eat. Fortunately, most of the others do not have the autoimmune issues that I do. I’d like to be able to incorporate this for everyone though just overall because it’s better for you. I’m not a nutritionist, I’m far from being an expert or even calling myself very knowledgeable. I’m not doing this alone. But that’s a very important part of this journey. Do not do this alone. Not saying you can’t, but my biggest advocate has been my niece. And that support is what helps motivate.

So I was able to finally eat six blackberries… and taste them in their own greatness. Not mixed with yogurt, or cooked. I tried a few cooked raspberries last week and I’m not there yet. Patience is not my strength. But I have some hope.

The two recipes above were such a surprise of health and good taste. Like I didn’t gag. I could’ve had more. And who knew (not me) that sweet potatoes were this awesome! I look forward to sharing her creations and the little goofy things I figure out on my own!

you should totally subscribe to both of us. I do my rant weird squirrel thing. She does the yummy food information thing. You really can’t go wrong.

Here’s the link to her chocolate mousse.

Let’s journey together,

Mama Squirrel

Posted in anxiety, Current Posts, Daily Living, health, Mental Health, Mindfullness, Nutrition, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Just Heal

Day 3. I’ve become accustomed to trying to get through my days with a migraine. It sucks. My job as a childcare provider doesn’t come with a volume button, or a silent switch. (Of course they can’t help it) They just seem to be louder on those days.

I just wish I could figure out the trigger(s). The only one I know of for sure is stress. But that’s not gonna just disappear. They come out of nowhere and then everyone suffers. My kids help out where they can, but they can’t do it all. My house is a disaster, and I’m walking around with pain strips and ice bags on my head. I’m sure I look crazy(er) but I really don’t care.

So for those who suffer with them as well, I’m praying for you. I’m praying they stop. I’m praying you have an army of support during those times. If not-I’ll be your army in prayer. Just tell me when you need it.

On that note, please keep me in yours. God Bless.

*image from Google Search

Posted in anxiety, cold, Current Posts, Daily Living, Jesus, Mental Health, Mindfullness, parenting, Thankful, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

So Much More

I’ve been so grateful to get a real tree the last 5 years. I honestly don’t care how much searching we have to do. This year was the toughest. While it’s not the biggest, that’s ok.

This tree represents memories of someone who was my other mother during a time I had so much growing to do. I learned so much, and I have another family I adore. I also have my “first” two kids, and they are a significant part of not just my life but my children’s as well. I had the honor of caring for her when she was ill from cancer. I miss her dearly. I often try to stop and think about what she would do in my situation. She always drove up to Minnesota and brought back a real tree for the family. Really don’t think she knew how much tradition she was instilling in everyone. Miss her so much…

This tree represents memories of camping in the Colorado mountains with both sets of my grandparents. It’s my all time favorite smell. I just recently lost my last living grandfather. I have one grandmother left. It’s very sobering and emotional.

This tree represents family with/for my kids. I want to create happy memories for them and hope they carry them on.

Traditions to me are about love, empathy, compassion, weakness, family, and beautiful moments.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

A Reason to Smile

That’s all there is. In all this greatness that God created in a weed, he gave us more greatness than we can conceive. This weed provides endless amounts of childhood memories that gets passed through generations. Our lives should be like that. I want to provide smiles long after I’m gone when someone thinks or talks about me. Not out of selfishness but out of example. I love my Lord and Savior and I love my children and my family. I love helping those in need. I want to be remembered with smiles because I liked things simple.

We should all strive to bring as much fulfillment as this wishing weed.

Posted in anxiety, Current Posts, Daily Living, Jesus, Mental Health, Mindfullness, parenting, Thankful, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment