I try to make sure that if I screw up, I apologize. I have to admit that I was wrong, which most of the time isn’t hard for me to do. I also try not to bring up something that I say I’ve let go. It doesn’t do any good for anyone. That doesn’t mean things don’t hurt-but I have to deal with that.
So what do you do when people throw old crap at you that they say they’ve let go? How do you respond to those who stab you with ugly accusations over situations you had no control over? How do you continue to accept their apologies when it’s obvious they are grasping on to that grudge? How do you duck when they spit that at you over and over?
I’m just at a loss. Am I praying wrong? Am I not praying enough? I know both answers are no-I’m torn between giving grace and throwing in the towel.
I truly believe that apologies mean nothing if the behavior doesn’t change. So when do you walk away? I can’t fix their crazy, their hurt, their insecurities-I just don’t think I need to be a punching bag either. (Figuratively) I’ve gotten better, but I find myself responding after being poked intentionally, then I look like the crazy person. I’m so tired.
Honestly, I’m tired of being tired. It’s one of those things I wish God would just speak clearly and tell me what move to make. Maybe he has and I just haven’t heard-