Most of us remember the birth of our children. For some of us it was a miracle. For some of us it was wondering how in the world are we going to do this. For most of us, it was a combination of the two.
I’m not really here writing this post to condemn or give super warm fuzzies. If you keep up with me you know I’m pretty much about the truth. So take what you will.
There are days, uncounted, where I feel like I’m failing my children. There are days I feel like I am pouring every ounce of positivity into them that I possibly can, and I’m getting swarmed with yelling and fighting and screaming and whining. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed just by hearing the word “mom.” Sometimes, I yell. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes, I do both. Because sometimes, I don’t have the answers.
Do any of these things mean I don’t want to be a mom? Do any of these things mean I don’t want my little turkeys? Do any of these things make me a horrible, callous, insensitive parent?
The answer is NO.
That does not mean we don’t feel like it. And I’m having to learn that feelings are not necessarily the way things really are.
I’ve been the single mom trying to make ends meet. My mom was a single mom trying to make ends meet. And it was hard on both ends. I’ve been and still do worry about where my kids would go if something happened to me. A beautiful person I know mentioned this very thing today and got my brain spinning again. (Squirrel wheel)
They can’t eat certain things because my ADHD son is extra sensitive to the dyes and sugars added in most foods. You should try to see me remain calm while he is physically climbing the walls and doing circles everywhere he goes. You should try seeing me remain calm during one of his emotional meltdowns. That usually ends in him being in his room and me being somewhere else while we have our own individual meltdowns.
You should see me trying to remain calm while my 5 year old strategically drives me to the insanity line because she doesn’t want to go to bed. You should see the crazy face I automatically make when my 5 year old tells me she didn’t make a mess so she doesn’t need to clean it up.
Rarely do I need to get onto my teenager. But when I do, I point him to this:
Whatever it takes parents.
I’m not always great at hiding my frustrations and emotions. What I have to remember, is that these little people have a harder time of it than I do. So I have to do a few things if I don’t want them to turn me into the psych ward.
1) Breathe-seriously. I tend to hold my breath during the not so great moments.
2) Walk away and look at how I can approach it differently.
3) Admit when I’m wrong, apologize, and ask for forgiveness.
4) Be calm when following through on consequences for poor choices.
5) Talk with them. Ask them if they understand why there is an issue. Ask them what they could do differently. Tell them if there’s something you need to do differently. Do this AFTER you have both calmed down. You will be thinking clearer.
6) Learn to enjoy their annoying habits and quirks. You want to be loved unconditionally for yours, don’t think they want differently.
7) Reach out! You are not alone!
This stuff can suck! Especially if we’re struggling with our own personal valleys. We are beyond tired, and have no energy for others. So how is it that we still make things work for our kids? No matter how big the emotional roller coaster?
Because God is lifting us so we can lift them.
I really like this personally. It helps me hold myself more accountable. I still fall down, but His grace catches me. And I’m able to get up again. Think of it this way: no one else can love and take care of your babies the way you do. God knew that when He gifted them to you.
Okay-a few warm fuzzies😘