Ready and Fire

This is Bob. Actually, this is me dressed as Bob. Not all the time, but sometimes I transform right before your eyes. No exaggeration. At least monkeys are cute, right?

I can go from calm and peaceful to rapid and kill mode in a blink of an eye. Mind you, it’s not usually from anger. Though it doesn’t come across that way. It’s from hurt, rejection, and the need to defend my heart.

This right here is what I’m desperately trying to accomplish. I don’t expect myself to master it. I’m flawed and I know it. Which is actually what some people refuse to admit. I’m not responsible for other people’s choices, words, or actions. But I am responsible for my rapid responses to these things. And I want to do so better.

Many times the moment I’m emotionally wounded, I’m fast to lash out in self-preservation. I am learning though to stop and pray first. Ask Him for guidance. I call my Sponser so I don’t go total stupid. (My sponser is through celebrate recovery-I attend for-wait for it-anger issues among other emotional hardships.) It’s been such a blessing to be surrounded by people who love me and hold no judgements.

I’m working on this. I have got to stop reacting to people the same way they do to me. I can’t fix what I don’t know is broken. So I have to stop the rapid fire and love from afar. Easy to say, hard to do. I truly want to stop wearing Bob so often.

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10 Responses to Ready and Fire

  1. We can all be like Bob. We can only try and do better the next time. You seem a good woman with a kind heart. Keep going 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. First off, I love your new avatar, or whatever they call that little picture above your name for your blog. Second, oh my goodness, I have the same problem. God is helping me tremendously. I mean when people you haven’t seen in a while tell you how much you have changed, how much “calmer” you are, well, you know there was a problem. I use to like to say I had a low tolerance for BS but truth was, I react, harshly, when I was hurt, or get my feelings hurt. Now, when I feel it coming, I just start praying. LORD, please help me not to bring this person, your child to tears hahaha. Some times all I can muster is LORD, help me, over and over. I was at a store counter, and they were having an issue, taking forever, snipping at me like it was my fault. I could feel it. I was so into my prayer that the only thing that broke it was the lady behind the counter saying, “ma”am, ma’am” to me trying to get my attention :):) But I didn’t cut her to the white meat, as my best friend says I am capable of, and that is from God’s help. :):) Sorry to write a whole post down here in your comments but to get to the point of my novel, you are not alone. You are working on it, and you are trusting God to help you, and He will :):)

    Liked by 1 person

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