This is Bob. Actually, this is me dressed as Bob. Not all the time, but sometimes I transform right before your eyes. No exaggeration. At least monkeys are cute, right?
I can go from calm and peaceful to rapid and kill mode in a blink of an eye. Mind you, it’s not usually from anger. Though it doesn’t come across that way. It’s from hurt, rejection, and the need to defend my heart.
This right here is what I’m desperately trying to accomplish. I don’t expect myself to master it. I’m flawed and I know it. Which is actually what some people refuse to admit. I’m not responsible for other people’s choices, words, or actions. But I am responsible for my rapid responses to these things. And I want to do so better.
Many times the moment I’m emotionally wounded, I’m fast to lash out in self-preservation. I am learning though to stop and pray first. Ask Him for guidance. I call my Sponser so I don’t go total stupid. (My sponser is through celebrate recovery-I attend for-wait for it-anger issues among other emotional hardships.) It’s been such a blessing to be surrounded by people who love me and hold no judgements.
I’m working on this. I have got to stop reacting to people the same way they do to me. I can’t fix what I don’t know is broken. So I have to stop the rapid fire and love from afar. Easy to say, hard to do. I truly want to stop wearing Bob so often.