It’s amazing how fast time can go by. Especially when you have those days that seem to drag on and on and on. And they are still not over. If you are fortunate enough, you are able to get some vacation. And those days go by so fast your head spins and you have no clue how that happened.
Long story not so short, things have been so chaotic here that I don’t have time to pee alone. Only parents and caregivers will understand that statement. I am at an age where I must come to terms with the reality that I will not for the rest of my days be alone in the bathroom. I just want to have a vacation where I can potty in my own presence. Why am I ranting about selfishly wanting to lock myself in the bathroom? Because it has been too long since I was in a position to breathe my own air. I love and adore my children. I love my job most of the time. Even the two crazy dogs have attached themselves to my heart like a bloodsucking ticks.
It has been too long since I have been able to take a moment to reach out to others. To share truth. Although I have noticed that people run from the truth like they are being chased by a herd of wild pigs. Conviction doesn’t make you a horrible person. Unless you have murdered someone, abused someone, robbed someone….I think you get my point. Conviction is about facing what you need to improve in yourself to lead and set a better example of a spiritual life. It’s been too long since I have been able to share my convictions. Truth be told, if you can’t be real with your failures, then you aren’t real with God. And believe me, he knows it! Thank you Holy Spirit!
It’s been too long that I have (and still do) tried to be in someone’s life that doesn’t want me in it. It’s been too long that I have been worried about what other people think about me. (still do) It’s been too long that I have been trying to please not only God, but people in man’s world. It doesn’t work. I know this. I know that only God has the final say. Alas, I am human and have a bleeding heart. I want to love and feed and my immature brain says it will get all of that back in return. I have had an immature brain for far too long. My mature brain knows that only God can provide all. Geeze.
It’s been too long that I have tried to be someone I am not. I am not a perfect mom, I am not a perfect step-mom, I am not a perfect wife, I am not a perfect friend, I am not a perfect daughter, I am not a perfect Christian.
I am a pile making, forgetful, can’t stand laundry, my family means everything to me, sometimes lazy, mistake making, bad words slip sometimes, anxiety, probably ADD, don’t have the perfect body, migraine getting, I get grumpy, Jesus loving, flipping hot mess. The difference between me and others is that I know these things. While I work on things, I continue to embrace my imperfections. Honestly, if you judge me for my imperfections you are missing out. I am the person that will love you unconditionally to the point I will probably get on your nerves.
So as I get up to go pee with one of my children or a dog barging in, don’t wait too long. I KNOW I am not perfect….but God and Jesus thought differently. And in a perfect love, they didn’t wait too long. It only took 33 years to be covered in grace and the chance for eternal life.
Psalm 71:1 MSG