Small Victories are Huge

squirrel-high-fiveIf you are not familiar with any type of disorder, especially ones that can be emotionally debilitating, you probably look at those who struggle with one as someone who needs to “get over it” or “suck it up.”  Yeah if it was that easy, no one would have any  problems. Duh.

 

 

 


I really am just exhausted and don’t particularly have it in me to go in to too many details.  However, I have been working exceptionally hard at responding better to my son who has undiagnosed ADHD Combined.  I say undiagnosed because while his behavior therapist has already confirmed it, red tape is restricting us from getting it done “the right way.”

If you are familiar at all with ADHD you know that these kids feel emotions x20 compared to what we may.  And that says a lot because I cry all the time lol.  Happy tears, sad, sappy commercials you name it.  But they feel in such a deep way, they just can’t put the situation into perspective.  Not until after the meltdown.  As a parent, one of the biggest obstacles is not getting overly frustrated during their moment.  I can tell you that I am not always very good at it.  I will say that over the last couple of weeks, I have approached my son in a calmer manner during these times.  I acknowledge his feelings, even though I may not understand them or I thing they are exaggerated. In my mind, I am praying for God to give me guidance and wisdom over the situation. I could not do it without His intervention.  Does it really  make a difference?

 

Well, if you are upset how powerful is a comforting hug?  It’s even more so for them.  You have to sit down, use a calm voice, remove them and yourself from the chaos to a quiet place, and not get your panties in a wad when they don’t give you eye contact.  It’s not that they are choosing not too, they are unable to.  I have been successful in doing these things multiple times recently.  Again, it hasn’t been every time.  I can’t tell you how amazed I am at how much more responsive he is to it.  After the meltdown has passed, he tends to be more responsive to basic requests.  And the poor kid is worn out!   I can’t imagine having to restrain myself ALL day at school, and then just be so tuckered out that when I get home I lose it.  Every ounce of impulsiveness comes exploding out, and they just can’t control it.  Talking in circles.  Frustration that quickly turns to anger.  Feeling dumb and not worthy.  Adults can’t deal with those things very well, so how can we possibly expect a child to?

While this might not seem like a big deal, until you walk in it you have no idea the battle.  So I am proud.  Proud of my son for giving me more chances than he should.  Proud of my son for his creativity, his intelligence, and his ability to love others unconditionally.  To a fault.  He’s like his mom in that regard.  But I see him needing encouragement and positive reinforcement.  I am not perfect at it.  But I am getting it and I am doing better.  Now I just need to continue to set that example for others and pray they see the positive outcome of the hard work.  It’s so worth it for his well being. It’s not about me-it’s about what I can do for him and help him become a better functioning person without taking his identity away.  One the worst things to hear is how your child thinks they are not good enough.  When they are so much more.

I would love any extra suggestions, tips, I am always open for new strategies.  Or I am here if you need to share and vent.  I know I still have a long road.  We all do.  With God, who can be against us right?

 

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2 Responses to Small Victories are Huge

  1. jaimewesson says:

    I have no advice…Only wanted to say, we live in the same world. Chloe is very much the same. I do believe ADHD children are so exceptional even at positive emotions. For instance, today getting her doll for Christmas she nearly hyperventilated with joy and legitimately cried happy tears. I try to catch the beautiful things that God has given her and delight in them. It is not always easy. But I truly believe God made her this way for a purpose. She can connect emotionally with others like no other. I see her big emotions as a benefit in acting and singing. Another aside, I find that touch really helps with Chloe. I think when she has a melt down she feels so out of control. Holding her rather strongly gives her some sense of security as she literally battles to calm herself down. I wait until she calms down (most of the time, not perfectly) to teach, instruct, reprimand…She’s just not going to be able to compute until she calms down. I know that you are an excellent mother, as you were such an excellent teacher for my girl. You’ve got this; he’s so blessed to have a mother who really cares how she responds and is conscientious to his needs.

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    • Thank you so much! You are such an inspiration! He loves art and has blossomed so much in the past month. You are so right-God has a wonderful plan for them. I can’t wait to see it come to light for them both. I will hug him more-maybe even a hand/back pat.

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