Oh you know that feeling when you get overwhelmed-you just know that the worst thing that could happen is about to. Flat tire? That means the refrigerator is about to go out, and the cat is going to have kittens, and you don’t have money for the vet, and you don’t have money for your own groceries, much less cat food. And oh yeah-you need gas in the car. Crap! I realize that’s not the word most people would say. No judgements here.
So I can say with no sense of reservation that God has been talking to me. Many would say I am just imagining things-or I am trying to put something together that is not compatible with the other stuff. I would almost agree. However, I am hearing from him everywhere I go. Two different church services-same things were touched on. And some know that when God is talking, he finds you no matter where you are. I am having those moments of, “Okay! I hear you so loud and clear. I really don’t want to, and I am fighting you.” But you keep talking-so I am trying to walk in the faith I say I have.
Where am I going with this? Honestly, I am not really sure. But I do know that God has used some wonderful people to force me into seeing some things. Things that I knew, but felt I had to walk away from because it didn’t please other people. I walked away because it’s not something that brings profit. For me, profit was not something that even crossed my mind. But I have a purpose! I was created by God for his kingdom. I will attempt to step back into this dream. Something I feel is my calling. It’s not something that goes away. I can feel it growing in me, growing in my heart. I feel like it’s going to explode. My head is spinning with so many thoughts and ideas.
But is what I think my calling is the same as what God says it is? Am I just looking for a reason to do what I want to do? A good friend of mine pointed out something that she thinks is my calling. But it’s not what I think my calling is. Are you as confused as me yet? I have another friend who gave me a lead on what I think is my calling. And so of course I am all excited. Here’s what I do know. My calling may not be what I want it to be. And as a human, being selfish as I am, I am kind of saying “Please no!” That doesn’t make it any less important. It means that I have to really listen to God and have my heart open. It means I can still do what I feel is important, but God’s call is more important. It comes first. Regardless of what I want. And no matter how much I fight it, The Holy Spirit will win. Now that we’ve established that, I must go put grumpy pants to bed. And yes, I just might be talking about myself. =)