You have a set plan. No bumps in the next 500 miles. I bet you didn’t know I could see that far. Ha, neither did I. Ok, back on topic. You are going to pull this off. Remember that commercial where the goofy bird flies right into the squeaky clean window? He never saw it coming. I always loved that commercial. Obviously, it doesn’t take much to make me laugh.
However, it’s not so humorous when you are the one who walks right into the pristine glass door. You feel like an idiot. You may be embarrassed, ashamed, even a little angry. The one thing you do is hope beyond all measure is that no one was looking. Yeah, I know. Usually someone saw you! It’s even worse when it’s the same glass door you have slammed into before. We have all been there. We just don’t want to admit it. No one likes to admit those humiliating moments when it’s a repeat offense. That messed up thing called pride shows up. Proverbs 29:23 MSG. Ouch!
So what do you do when you can see the bump coming? How do you get rid of that queasy feeling in your gut when you know you are going to crash and burn? Or you know ahead of time that the situation you are facing is not going to be a smooth process? What do you do when you know you have tried your best, and things still end up on flat tires? What if you have tried to replace those flats with spares, but the spares are riddled with nails and worthless? One of the biggest things I find myself struggling with is being content in knowing I did my best to accomplish something-especially when my best isn’t enough. But who says your best was not enough? God knows I did my best, so that is really the only opinion I should worry about. Said no human when they should. It comes later. Fortunately, I have come to a place where most of the time, I can finally say God does know and I am okay with that. What an amazingly peaceful feeling!
Then there are those dreadful other times. Did I really do everything I could? When the answer is yes, many times I still feel unsatisfied. I think that is because I know that it may have caused someone’s feelings to be hurt. Maybe it caused someone to think I don’t care, which is definitely not the case at all. Sometimes, diarrhea happens and you just can’t make it to the toilet in time. Not to mention there is no toilet paper to be found.
It flares up my anxiety. The enemy is jumping up and down on my brain like a trampoline, causing me to question what I know is right. I want to fix something that was and is out of my control. I don’t want to feel like the bad guy. I want to be the super hero this time. I realize this may seem selfish. The way I rationalize this is if I can fix it this time, it may not be so bad if it doesn’t work out next time. Note to everyone: it is still as bad if and when it happens again. Phooey.
Do you have anxiety? This is not just a feeling that comes and goes. Go to healthinformation.com and read the article “13 Things to Remember If You Love A Person With Anxiety.” You may very well see my panicked driven face beside most of these. I just want to be the people pleaser. I want to be the best child of God, wife, mother, stepmother, daughter, cousin, aunt, friend, and whatever other role I am classified under. If I feel like I have failed, even if I truly have not, I go into anxiety mode. In those moments of desperation, I sometimes end up making things worse. By trying to “fix” something, I end up making a situation that didn’t exist to begin with. It’s a battle many people face, but hide. Are you out there? What strategies have you developed to cope with these situations you seem to have no power over? I would love for you to share your struggles and how you have found ways to cope and/or heal. Have you had to turn to medication to help you? Before you go there, I am asking not judging. Does your heart race like it’s a ticking time bomb about to go off? Your hands are clammy, and you are unable to take a deep breath. Sometimes, your feel like the world is spinning and your head begins to pound. There is that dang jackhammer again. Sometimes, other physiological things take place. So no judging here. I am working on building a community of that seems like family. A place where you can come and know you are not alone. A place where I can learn from others who deal with these same life obstacles. I do tend to be pretty straightforward on particular subjects. It is probably due to the experiences I have faced in battling these situations. I tend to always be on my guard. Not always a bad thing. And I pray. I pray and I ask for prayers. Sometimes we need to be covered in prayer to change our perspective.
Let us focus on helping one another. Even if it means lending that ear when we don’t feel we have time for. If we want help and prayers and love, you have got to be willing to give it. Are you in? Proverbs 21:31 MSG